I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize