sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize