If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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