i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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