my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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