I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
then he tried to convert me to islam
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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