my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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