Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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