I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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