i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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