You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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