these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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