Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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