i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize