There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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