That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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