Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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