feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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