So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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