I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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