he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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