My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize