Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize