My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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