so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize