I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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