I could have mohawked her pubes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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