She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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