Cold hands, warm shart.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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