There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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