Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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