I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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