All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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