I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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