I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize