Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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