You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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