Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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