So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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