he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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