I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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