I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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