She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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