I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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