We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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