dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize