we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize