So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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