I'm so fucking centered right now
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize