I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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