just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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