wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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